


Searching For My Heart [Akashi Seijuro]

by WinterRaineeDay



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Comfort/Angst, Family Angst, Gen, M/M, Male Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-12
Updated: 2013-08-14
Packaged: 2017-12-23 06:18:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/923006
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinterRaineeDay/pseuds/WinterRaineeDay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was the black sheep of the family. No one acknowledge his existence but that did not matter to him. He wished that his twin to disappear from his life. It came true. Years later after the death of his twin, Akashi manage to escape from a fatal accident when a trailer collided into his car. Unfortunately his best friend, Tetsuya did not survived. Akashi blames himself over the death of his two beloved person as guilt slowly consumes him bit by bit, what happened when he reached his limit and shatters like a fragile glass. He has lost his heart, he searched for it. Will he ever find it?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

 

That evening, during the rush hour traffic, cars began moving through the intersection and making turns. Each driver on the road heard the faint sound of a siren, it came louder. In their rear-view mirror, they could see an ambulance blasting up the emergency lane behind them, screaming wildly, and lights flashing madly. It came to a halt at the forefront of the intersection. Cars slowly stopped on each intersection and moving to the side lane as the ambulance sped off into the distant, towards the closest hospital.

A motionless body, a once fair skinned teen is now losing its color as its fades each second, matching the white sheet on the stretcher. His crimson bangs fall over to the sides, covering his glazed empty orbs. Half of his face was covered with an oxygen mask; his breaths came in deep and shallow. Medics profusely try to stop the blood from oozing out from his wounds.

He could hear the ambulance siren. He could hear the medics giving out orders to one another. He could see a blurry mop of sky blue hair next to him. He could hear someone voice telling him not to give up. He could feel all his senses fades away. Slowly, darkness crept from the corner of his orbs as the voices getting further and further.

_"I'm…tired…just...let…me…rest…"_

* * *

_That's for chapter one, this will be a one shot[3 chapter] fiction. Especially made for Akashi Seijuro shippers ƪ(ˆ▽ˆ)ʃ . Don't forgot to drop ya review in the empty box below (≧∇≦)/_

_Till Next Chapter~ ┌( ≧▽)┘_


	2. Chapter 2

 

_**Beep…beep…beep…** _

The heart monitor beeps silently as it breaks the sullenness in the room. Wires patched to his body. Oxygen mask has not been removed from his face for the past three days. His chest heaves to each of his heavy shallow breathing. His orbs shut close tightly. Both of his wrists were heavily bandaged. Several worried orbs watching him from outside of the room through the mirror.

"How's he doing?" a worried man in his forty looked at his wife as she took a seat next to him in the waiting room. She shook her head slowly, she sighed. Feeling exhausted as she leans against her husband.

"I'm sure, one day he will wake up…" her crimson orbs sadden. Her husband can only smile at his wife for being strong. He held her hands dearly as he wraps his other arm around her.

From afar, both Kise and Aomine looked at the two worried parent, feeling sad for them. Kise then made his way towards the drinks machine down the hallway.

"Akashichii will wake up…I know he's not weak, we all know he's not…we can't afford to lose another of our friend…" Kise bit his lower lip.

* * *

 

_"Akashichii~~why did you left the door unlocked?" Kise asked as he enters the apartment. His orbs searched for the smaller teen._

_"Akashichii, are you here?" he looks in each room, until he heard sounds of water flowing. Following the source of the sound, he ended up in the main bedroom that belongs to no one but Akashi Seijuro himself. He walks towards the bathroom, wanting to turn off the water if Akashi is not at home but he was wrong, completely wrong._

_"AKASHICHII!" he shouted, his orbs as wide as a saucer._

_On the cold hard floor in the bathroom, lies their former captain on a pool of blood that oozing out of his two wrists. A small knife lies next to him. Akashi was completely pale and cold. Quickly, Kise ran towards the latter and pulls him into his arms, trying to wake him up. His hands were trembling at the amount of bloods flowing._

_"AOMINECHII, HELP ME!" he screams into his phone that is drenched in blood after his hands touched Akashi._

_"Oi, stop yelling into my eardrums, I can get d—"he was cut off._

_"AOMINECHII, AKASHICHII IS…!"_

_Aomine orbs widened in disbelief upon hearing the blond. His lips parted as his phone slips of his hands. Momoi who was busy looking at the magazines noticed the frantic voice from the fallen phone on the floor._

_"Dai-chan…?"_

_"SATSUKI, call the ambulance. Tell them to head to Akashi place NOW" Aomine grabbed his jacket and speeds out of the house, running towards Akashi apartment._

* * *

Aomine sighed. It has been three days since Kise found Akashi lies in a pool of bloods. Midorima informed them, that there is nothing he can do to help Akashi since now it is left up to Akashi will to wake up.

Attempt suicide, the police reported. Aomine frowns at the flashback with the police report.

_"Tetsu, if you're there, watching over us…please save Akashi…"_ Aomine pleaded quietly.

* * *

Meanwhile in Akashi ward, Midorima finished checking his former captain condition. He sighed as he looks at the unconscious red head that looks like he is about to give up any second.

"You better not give up…Akashi…" Midorima mumbles before exit the room. Hoping his friend would hear his pleas.

* * *

**_In Akashi inner thoughts,_ **

_I'll stay asleep…in order to find my heart…_

_Where did my heart go?_

_When I was little…I used to blow bubbles…_

_Larger…and …larger…_

_I wasn't a genius…_

_The genius was my older twin brother, Ryu…_

_He could do everything._

_Everything…_

_I was so proud…_

* * *

**_When he was younger,_ **

"It's our neighbor" he smiled as his small hands were held gently by his mother.

_"Ryu is such a smart boy!"_

_"I'm so envious of you!"_

_"He's nothing like our son"_

_"I wished my son would become more like Ryu"_

_"What did you do to make him such a smart boy?"_

_"He got so many good traits from both of you!"_

_"He's such a genius!"_

The neighbors' praised his brother in front of him. He felt left out.

_Mama loved hearing those words…_

* * *

His mother let go of his hands and walk towards his older twin that emerged from the bedroom.

"Mama…?" he calls out but was ignored.

"Ryu, people praised me again saying you're such a good boy!" Then she remembered the smaller boy. She forced a smile on her face.

"Seijuro, you're a good boy too!"

He knows her smile are fake, her praised to him are fake.

* * *

_I'm always just an addition…_

_Mama cares only about my brother because everyone praises him…_

_It doesn't matter if I'm here or not…_

_Would that be me if my brother wasn't around?_

_If only he wasn't around…if only he…_

_That's it…all he needs to do is disappear…_

_He should just disappear…_

* * *

It was both him and his brother birthday. Ryu has received many presents while Seijuro only received one. However, his brother saw this when he was unwrapping the present in his room.

Seijuro felt so happy upon received a small truck toy. His brother barged into the room and looms over him. He grabbed the toy truck.

"Brother, that's mine…" he tried getting the toy back. Ryu glares at him.

"This belongs to me. I am better than you" he pushed the younger down to the floor and left the room with the toy. Seijuro cries.

* * *

That evening, Seijuro quietly sneaks into his brother room. Looking for his toy truck, he quickly made his way towards the cupboard upon noticing the toy sat on one of the shelves. He did not realized, his older twin is now at the door.

"Seijuro"

"What are you doing?"

Seijuro steps back, as his brother glares at him. Like a predator that wants to devour its prey.

"I'm just taking back what belongs to me!" he hugs the toy onto his chest.

"What are you doing?!" Ryu slaps him in the face, causing him to fall. Seijuro orbs widened at his twin act.

"Don't touch my stuff without MY permission!" he picks on the toy and puts it on a higher shelf.

"This is mine. Going through someone room without asking…only the worst kind of people would do that!"

"But…"

"This is mine; never touch it without my permission. You heard me?!"

"Now, LEAVE!" Ryu orders him. Seijuro left the room with a heavy heart.

* * *

_My brother hates me…_

_It's because I'm not a good boy…_

_It's because I'm the worst kind of people…_

_But why…?_

_I'm sad…_

_My brother has everything and I have nothing…_

_I WISH MY BROTHER…_

_JUST DIE!_

* * *

His wish came true. His brother passed away after being hit by a car.

* * *

During the funeral, he approached a photo of his brother that lies on the table.

"Big brother…?"

"Is it because I wished that you are dead?" guilt starts pooling in his small heart.

* * *

_Where do I go…?_

_Where do I belong…?_

* * *

In the real world, both of his parents looked at their unconscious son worriedly. They noticed their son pain expression. They knew, nothing they or the doctors can do…it was up to Akashi to wake up.

"Hun…a long time after Ryu passed away, Seijuro became just like his older twin before he passed away. He suddenly was doing very well in his studies…"

Her husband nodded as he turns around facing to his wife.

"Back then…we was happy thinking that Ryu came back to us. Shouldn't we have thought more about how Seijuro felt?"

"Seijuro has a lot of good traits, which are his alone. We became snobbish after being called the parents of a genius" he felt guilt.

"Did Seijuro really like studying? I don't think he hated it but…lately I've been thinking that he might wanted to play more"

Tears pooling on the corner of her eyes, feeling so bad for what they did to their sons as her husband pulls her into a hug.

"We failed as parents…"

She turns to face where her son lies. Praying to the heaven that one day her beloved son would wake up.

* * *

_Where did my heart go?_

_When I was little… I used to blow bubbles…_

_Larger…and…larger…_

_Yes, I was always blowing bubbles…_

_In our garden…with soapy water and a straw with a cut at the end…_

_Who made that soapy water?_

_Who cut the end of that straw?_

_Mom…?_

_No…_

_It was my brother…_

_Yes, I couldn't blow bubbles unless I used the soapy water and straw that he made…_

* * *

"Sei, try blowing it" Ryu passes him the glass of soapy water and a straw.

"Sure!" He happily took it and starts blowing the straw as it produce a small bubble. It became bigger at each huff. The bubble floats away. They both smiled upon their experiment.

"You can do it too" Seijuro handed over the glass and straw.

"But I'm not good at it" he chuckled.

"There's something you can't do?"

"Of course"

"You're the best at blowing bubbles because you blow it kindly, I can't do it, they always burst" he said then turns around to blows the straw. The bubble grew larger and larger.

Suddenly, it burst. Seijuro shuts his orbs upon the burst. When he opens back, his brother is gone.

"Big brother…?"

"Big brother, please come back!"

* * *

_He won't come back…_

_He is dead._

* * *

His eyelids flutters open, the he stares into the white ceiling above him. His crimson orbs has no shine, it was empty. He turns his head to the side. Several people were looking at him worriedly.

* * *

_Why…?_

* * *

"You're awake!"

"Akashichii!" the blond male approached him, followed by a midnight blue haired tan male. The two older people quickly rushed to his side. He looks at them.

Three words they never expected to hear from the red head, which looked like an empty broken doll. With a hoarse voice and dried lips

"Who are you…?"

* * *

_**That's for chapter two. Did he lost his memories? Don't forget to drop your review!** _

_**Till next chapter~** _

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to drop a review or kudos <3


	3. Chapter 3

"Who are you?"

"Akashichii, it's us. Aominechii and Kise, don't you remember us?" Kise was on the verge of tears. Aomine pulls him away from Akashi, letting the red haired parents a space for their son.

"Seijuro…please remember us" the lady pleaded.

"Doctor, did he lose his memories?!" the older man quickly went towards the green haired doctor that just entered the room.

Akashi expression and orbs remained blank.

* * *

_No, I didn't lose my memories…_

_What I meant was what meaning do you have for me…?_

* * *

Midorima checked his former captain carefully. He frowns.

"Akashi, do you know recognize any of us in here?" he asked, hoping for an answer. However Akashi remained expressionless. His empty orbs shifted to each of them.

* * *

_Who are you…?_

_And who am I…?_

_Who? Who am I…?_

* * *

His orbs stare into the nothingness.

Midorima shook his head. Aomine looked at the red haired patient.

"Akashi, please at least tell us, you remembered Tetsu. KUROKO TETSUYA!" he gritted his teeth.

"We know you have been blaming yourself for the two deaths you have faced in your life. Please remember!"

* * *

_Kuroko Tetsuya…?_

_Who is it?_

_Why I have to remember this Kuroko Tetsuya…?_

_Two deaths…?_

_What are these people talking about? I don't understand…_

_I don't understand what they mean…_

* * *

"Kuroko died… remember? So is your twin brother, Ryu" the older man continued. He cried.

* * *

_I remember…_

_Ryu is gone…_

_Why is this person crying…?_

_I'm the one who is sad…_

* * *

"Seijuro, LOOK OUT!" Kuroko shouted upon noticing the incoming trailer from his side.

It was too late. Akashi did not manage to drive the car away from the incoming trailer that crashed into them. The last thing he saw was a sky blue haired male looked at him in panic before everything went dark.

The sounds of ambulance, rings into his head.

Blood spilled everywhere.

He survived.

Kuroko died.

* * *

Without notice, pearl of tears escaped from his empty orbs down to his expressionless face.

* * *

_Tears…?_

_Tears in my eyes …?_

_Why…why am I crying?_

_Ah…I remember now…_

_Tetsuya died…_

_It was my fault…_

_He died…_

_Just like my brother…_

_It was my fault…_

_They died._

* * *

It was days later, Midorima has discharged Akashi from the hospital. His parents brought him back to the main house.

He remains blank. No one knows what is he thinking or what he wants to do. Just like a robot. He stares into the nothingness all day long each day. Even when Aomine and Kise drop by, he only replies with a word or two.

* * *

_I'm empty_

_Because I don't know where my heart is…_

* * *

"Sei, it's time for dinner" the lady that calls herself as his mother taps on his shoulder gently. He turns around. His mother looked surprised upon seeing those empty orbs looking at her like a stranger. She smiled.

"You…don't have to force yourself to remember everything…slowly one at a time…"

He did not reply as he turns around, looking at the photo frame that hangs on the wall.

* * *

**_I should be the one that died not them…_ **

* * *

He walks around the house. The maids bowed at him but he ignored. His gaze falls on each every photo frame in his room, a photo of him and Tetsuya, smiling at the camera.

_Akashi, you should stop frowning_

_Akashi, let's get some vanilla milkshake_

_Akashi, we will be together forever…right?_

_Akashi…I love you._

* * *

His tears fall, his orbs widened. For the first time after weeks, his expression broke.

"Tetsuya…."

* * *

"Sei, the maids prepared some tea and cakes. How about you have some?" his mother knocked on the door. No answer. She opens it. The tray she carried dropped.

Akashi is missing.

* * *

In the empty streets, he walks slowly, walking to an unknown destination.

* * *

_Where is my heart…?_

_I want to find my heart_

_I want to search for my heart_

* * *

His steps stopped in front of a basketball court. He saw a ball at the corner of the court. He picked it up.

* * *

_What am I trying to accomplish by searching for my heart?_

_If I found it…will Tetsuya and Ryu come back…?_

_Will I be free from this guilt..?_

_No…it's a selfish reason…they won't come back…_

_That's the reality I don't want to accept…_

_Ryu is dead._

_Tetsuya is dead._

_I killed them…_

_My brother, who I hated the most_

_Tetsuya, who I loved the most…_

_I'm the worthless one here…_

_Worthless me, petty me_

_But I'm so hurt by Tetsuyas' death…_

_What if I died?_

* * *

Akashi falls onto his knees, he looked at both of his hands, both are trembling under the heavy rain.

* * *

_Tetsuya would surely be sad for me_

_Tetsuya might be the only one sad for me..._

* * *

"And still, I …" his tears start dropping.

"I lost Tetsuya to my carelessness!" he cries as he raised his head facing the raindrops.

* * *

"Sei, please don't blame yourself for what happened…it's...not your…fault…" Kuroko struggles to keep his orbs open. His breath came in shallow. His tears falls. Akashi held his hand tightly.

"DON'T LEAVE ME TETSUYA! THAT'S AN ORDER!" an order that that Kuroko could not obey. Akashi tears falls like rain, his heart begging to the heavens not to take Tetsuya away from him.

"Sei…" Kuroko hands slipped off Akashi grip. Slowly it falls to the side. The heart monitor rings in a long beep as long flat lines appeared on the screen. His chest stopped heaving. His eyelids shuts close. His bangs falls to the side.

 **"TETSUYA!"**  Akashi cried.

* * *

Akashi falls forward to the ground, his tears dropped onto the hard ground along with the rain. Then he noticed someone in front of him, shines bright yet so warm. His orbs widened.

**_"Seijuro…"_ **

There standing, Kuroko. He smiled as he crouched down.

**_"Sei…I'm really glad that I was your partner"_ **

**_"Because you are so kind"_ **

**_"But kindness alone isn't enough"_ **

**_"You have to become stronger or you will be overwhelmed by the guilt you have kept in your heart"_ **

"My heart…I have lost it…but I'm searching for it" Akashi replied.

**_"No, Sei…It's right here. It belongs to yours only and don't run away…"_ ** _Kuroko puts his palm on Akashi chest, right where his heart is. He smiled._

**_"What has happened was not your fault…Ryus' death…my death…it was never your fault…Sei"_ **

"I was lying when I told myself I didn't have anything…it was easier to think that way…it was easier to hate my brother…I was escaping from reality all these while…" Akashi mumbles, upon realizing what he has done all these while.

Kuroko cupped Akashi cheeks with his warm palm. He smiled.

 ** _"Sei…I am never been happier than spending my lifetime with you…I am never been happier that you are the last person I see before I died…I love you…thank you for being there for me_** **…"** pearls of tears rolls down his cheeks as he slowly fades away.

"Where are you going, Tetsuya?" Akashi frantically tries to reach for him but he was too late.

**_"Goodbye…Sei"_ ** _his voice echoes. Soft orbs disappear into the rain._

* * *

"AKASHI, WHERE ARE YOU?" several voices calling for him as it got closer and closer. He heard familiar voices approached him.

"Akashichii, what are you doing under the rain" Kise panicked as he quickly took off his jacket and wrapped it around the latter while Aomine covered both of them with an umbrella.

"We were worried for you; your mother called saying you disappeared!" Aomine looked at his former captain.

* * *

_Is Tetsuya the only one who's happy about mine…?_

_No…not at all…_

* * *

Aomine and Kise drove him home, where his parents wait for him. His mother is in tears, while his father hugged her, calming her down. Upon noticing Aomine car in the porch, they quickly get to their feet and went towards the car.

"Sei!"

"Where were you?"

"We thought you would kill yourself again" his mother cries.

Akashi expression was empty until he saw those tears of his worried mother and father.

* * *

_She's crying…_

_Mum is crying because I disappeared…_

* * *

"Mum…"

Tears rolls down, his parents were shocked. Both of them looked at him. His expression broke. Shine has returned to his empty crimson orbs.

"What did you say…?" his father tried to confirm it.

"What did you just said? 'Mum'?" his mother asked.

"Did you say 'Mum'?" she hopes for a miracle to happen.

"Mum…thank you for giving birth to me…" Akashi continued as he cried. His mother hugged him as she burst.

"You remembered us!" she cries.

"I'm sorry for making you worry…Dad" His father can only smiled as he pats Akashi head gently.

Aomine and Kise exchanged looks. Felt relieved after a long day.

* * *

**_I can say this for the first time…I am happy that I am alive._ **

* * *

End. Yep. That is how short this fiction is. Practically its about Seijuro blaming himself for the two deaths of those he loved. He locked himself away. Unable to find why he was alive.

How was it. Sorry if its boring. LOL! either way please review! Would appreciate it a lot ^^

I have updated Frozen Melody an AkaKuro/AoKuro pairing fiction as well. Please check it out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to drop a review/bookmark/kudos! <3 Please check out my Frozen Melody[AoKuro/AkaKuro] and A L I V E - Free![Rin x Haru] !

**Author's Note:**

> Don't forget to drop a review or kudos :D


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